"Berlin ist eine Stadt, verdammt dazu, ewig zu werden, niemals zu sein"

"Berlin is a city, condemned forever to become something and never just to be."

Last week, all of the participants of my program met in Berlin for a half-year informational seminar in the German capitol of Berlin. I can honestly say that the week has been a life-changing one, for several reasons.

The first being, that my dad's mom passed away this week after seventy-eight years of making the world a brighter place for everyone around her. Somehow, I managed to keep it all together, at least while I was with the group. Trying to enjoy once-in-a-life-time views, things my grandma never go to see, while mourning, was very hard. It really hasn't hit me and it isn't real yet. That's the hardest part, is just that I am the only person here who lost someone.

Enough about that though for now... Berlin was amazing!

We stayed in a hostel about three blocks from Checkpoint Charlie. The area the Berlin Wall once stood was visible from our room windows. We had a historian speak to us and give us necessary information for us to better understand why the Third Reich was able to come to power and why things happened the way they did after the war. Ronnie, our personal Brit/historical lecturer, was really quite good. Many were angered by his politically charged views and his ability to mix opinion with fact. I just took it for what it's worth. A lot of what he said is true. While he didn't need to demonize East Germany so much, many pictures do speak for themselves.

I really hope to take my experiences from Berlin and the loads of stories I learned in seminars and in museums and really fulfill the main goal of my program upon returning to the USA. There is so much that Americans fail to understand about German history and about Berlin in particular. Germans are cursed with a most unfortunate history and they need our help to help the outside world understand.

It is really surreal to go from point A to point B in the city and pass over the wall, maybe more than once. The length of the wall is commemorated by stones which run through the street. Every so often a plaque reminds you that the wall divided the city for more than twenty years. A comical, visual reminder are the cross walk traffic signals, which in East Berlin looked different than in the West. When you need to cross the street, but aren't sure where you are, you know at least whether you are in the former East or West, depending on the shape of the Ampelmann.

I saw so many places and things in those five days which most people only see in history books. It really blows my mind and I can't believe how fortunate I am.

I am fascinated by the Olympics (the 2010 Winter Games start soon!!!) and I am also fascinated by how such a beautiful, peaceful ceremony was bastardized by the Nazis. I was just blown away by the Olympic Stadium of Berlin. We built a snowman in front of it! We couldn't go it, because it is closed in the winter, due to ice and danger of falling; however, it is on my list for the summer.

It was BEYOND cold there. Granted, it was just as cold in Norway... but in Norway I had expected it... and I didn't spend so much time outside.

The only thing worse than finding out your grandmother has passed away, is finding that out, and then heading straight for the Holocaust Memorial. Needless to say, I was emotionally exhausted after that. The memorial is a beautiful commemoration for something so terrible and deserving. My favorite part about it, was the middle exhibit, where, one at a time, names of victims are displayed on the walls with projects. The room is bare, except for a few large flat prism benches. You can sit and listen to the victims' mini-biographies. The names just keep on coming... At the end you can search for victims. I found several people with my last name, Szczerba, while many were Russian (spelt Shcherba) and many others had Jewish first names, which makes the likelihood of relation unlikely. I did also find some Italians possibly related to my mom's mom (maiden name Gabriel). Again, I haven't researched it yet, but it is still amazing to see your last name on the screen about twenty times, representing twenty murdered. Above the exhibits, is a memorial patterned after a Jewish graveyard. The memorial itself is rather young, and is a silent, somber reminder. It is beautiful and forces you to reflect without being grotesque at all.

Berlin is overall exciting and an amazing place to visit. It holds true to German charm... even though it is the largest city in Germany, it still can be like a ghost town on Sundays. I made the most I could out of this visit; however I am looking forward to being there again.

I cannot believe I am over the hill. My days here are numbered and it is scaring me. I really need to make sure I don't regret not having done something next year. I haven't been wasting my time at all so far, but now isn't the time to start.